While dating a man, there are many different roles that we can play. However, most of us end up playing the role that he chooses for us. It is time that we take control of our dating life and decide if we want to be in his life. Instead of trying to make the relationship something it is never gonna be, you decide if the role he wants you to play is acceptable to you. In my book, Why I Love Men: The Joys of Dating, I discuss the 5 roles that a man may want you to play. This will allow you to determine if that role is right for you and meets your needs at that particular time in your life. Only you should decide if you want to play that role and continue in the relationship with him. If not, quickly move on to the next guy. Trying to make a relationship something it’s not is a waste of time!

There is one role that I discuss in the book that most women strive for and that is the role of Wifey/Girlfriend. If a man is really into you, he will want you to play this role in his life. The Wifey/Girlfriend is that role reserved for the one person he feels is irreplaceable in his life. Wifey/Girlfriend is the sexiest, most successful, and most respected of all the women. He respects her, either her talents, knowledge, faith or something else beyond how she looks. He generally respects and admires many aspects of her persona. These women are often sweet and kind. They soften a man and allow him to be masculine. They are warm, kind and bring peace to his life. They generally are understanding and supportive in his life’s endeavors and she is the first to hear of important news in his life. She is loved, needed and wanted by her man. She is the woman that a guy will love and will always love, and he never wants to see her with another man. In short, if he is really into you, he will want you to play this most important role in his life. So, how can you tell if he wants you to play the role of Wifey/Girlfriend? Here are some signs to know if he sees you as Wifey/Girlfriend material:
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Do You Know Where To Find The “Good” Men & Women In DC?

Well….We Do! Come join us for this great evening of live music, poetry, relationship discussions, and after party on Saturday, March 27th!

Join the real life “Hitch” PAUL CARRICK BRUNSON (http://onedegreefrom.me), author NIKKI NOKES (http://www.nikkinokes.com), spoken word artists, and a panel of experts for a night of entertainment and real talk about sex, love and relationships!

TICKETS for show and VIP after party can be purchased at http://moderndaymatchmaker.eventbrite.com  (PLEASE USE My Discount Code:  JJSMITH for a $5 discount!) Read full article

JJ asks the Fellas what causes a man to commit to one woman. They also discuss the differences between commitment and monogamy. When does a man ask a woman to be his wife or girlfriend?

The first date is one of the most important events in a new relationship. First dates are important because they can either make a man eager to see you again or make him run for the highway. Know that your communication is key to making him interested in seeing you again.

Considering the location of the first date is one of the most critical decisions that need to be made. The first date location will affect the way you interact with each other so be sure to find an environment where you’ll both feel relaxed and comfortable. The other critical factor in a successful first date is your conversation, which should be light and upbeat to complete the overall first date experience.

When communicating on a first date, it is important to let a guy get to know you before you begin to share too many details about your views and your past. For most of us, the rough times in our lives have allowed us to grow and become the people we are today. However, until someone gets to know you, they may not understand or may pass judgments on some your past mistakes. Here are some tips for what NOT to talk about on your first date:

1. Getting Married: It scares men to get married to someone they love. This is definitely not a conversation he wants to have with a woman he barely knows.
2. Your Kids: You love your kids and they interest you. However, to a man, this just indicates increased responsibility or baby daddy drama.
3. Your Horrible Childhood: Don’t seek pity for injustices in your past; it will make you appear hurt, wounded and in need of healing.
4. Ex-Boyfriends: This is a no-win situation. If you say something positive about an ex-boyfriend, a man will feel threatened or discouraged. If you say how he cheated on you constantly, he will think you are weak and a pushover. The truth is that there’s no good outcome likely to result from talking about an ex on the first date. Read full article

JJ Smith discusses the real reason why men cheat. This is the truth that no one is telling you. JJ explains why monogamy is unnatural for men.

JJ asks the Fellas for things a woman can do if she seriously wants to get married and keep a husband. Each Fella lists 3 things that help a woman to get and keep a man, as well as things that decrease her chances of keeping a man. This is good input from the Fellas for those ladies who want to settle down and get married.

JJ asks the Fellas what they think about wigs, weaves, and extensions…And, you will be surprised what they say!

Mistake 1:  Haven’t Figured Out How to “Love Me Some Me”

In order to attract love into your life, it’s important to improve the relationship you have with yourself. If you love yourself and have confidence in who you are, then you will begin to send a signal to others that you have value and deserve respect. An improved sense of self will lead you to a more fulfilling love life loving yourself first sends a clear message that you are to be recognized, celebrated, appreciated and loved.   If you don’t truly know yourself and what you want out of relationship, how can you attract the right man into your life?  Before you can truly know what you want out of a relationship, you have to have a sense of what your needs and wants are and what truly makes you happy.  Commit to developing a relationship with yourself.  Learn to say no to others so you can spend more time learning and meeting your needs.  Commit time to doing things that you enjoy that are just for you.  Make yourself a priority in your life!

Mistake 2:  Spend Their Best Years Pursuing an Education and Career Goals Not Realizing that Their Strongest Assets (e.g., Looks, Fertility) Decrease With Age

A woman who wants to have a family should capitalize on her looks, age, and fertility while she is young instead of only focusing on chasing the high-powered career.  I believe (and  of course I could be wrong) that a man would more likely be with a young, attractive woman that is less educated and makes him feel good (in terms of stroking his ego) then an average looking woman with a great career and education.)  If marriage and having children is important to you, you may want to NOT focus as much time on pursuing your career goals, but spend more time pursuing and developing meaningful love relationships while you’re young, perky and fertile.  If you want a husband and family, you have to pursue it with the same focus and attention you did to achieve your career goals, and by all means, don’t let you looks, fashion sense, and overall attractiveness go downhill.  Note: In my book, Why I Love Men: The Joys of Dating, I share insider secrets, practical advice and techniques that any woman can use to maximize her physical beauty without cosmetic surgery, because as shallow as it may sound, how physically attractive you are is very important to men, and should also be to you if you are seriously looking to attract and keep a man. 

Mistake 3:  Waste Too Much Time with Unavailable Men

When dating, there are certain relationships that are harmful and downright dangerous.  These are relationships with unavailable men―the men who are not available or ready to have a meaningful relationship with a woman. This type of relationship has very little chance of long-term success. Many older wiser women have already been down this road, and they know better than to get involved with an unavailable man, but many younger women spend too many months and years with men that are unavailable.  In my book, Why I Love Men, The Joys of Dating, I discuss the five types of unavailable men and clues to identify the unavailable man. 

Mistake 4:  Only DATE One Man at a Time

If you are not in a committed exclusive relationship, you should continue to have several guys as available date options.  Having several men to date will build your confidence and self-esteem. It will allow you to hone your dating skills, such as improving your communication style on dates. We can date many men and enjoy their company until we find someone worth having a meaningful relationship with.  If you meet a guy you like, don’t get rid of the others and focus all of your energy and efforts on the one man you like.  It’s ok to have a prioritized order of the guys that you’re dating, and as you meet new guys that you like more, you just remove the least favorite date from the rotation.  If the guy at the top of the list doesn’t call you, one of the others likely will.  I would encourage you to learn to simply enjoy the company of men.  Remember, I’m encouraging you to DATE, and not to have sex with many men.  I’m not trying to encourage promiscuity.  That is an individual choice that I personally do not advocate. 

Mistake 5:  Don’t Know Their Relationship Market Value (RMV)

Before you begin the dating process, it’s important to understand your Relationship Market Value (RMV). Your RMV helps you determine three things: (1) the characteristics that you bring to a relationship that can be of value or benefit to a mate; (2) what type of guys you can attract so that you can focus your efforts on finding that type of man; and (3) if you are ready for a relationship.  When determining your Relationship Market Value, you take a close look at your mental/emotional health, financial health, family relationships and other areas of your life, and discover if you are really ready for a relationship. You determine your RMV by looking at the positive traits that you bring to a relationship, while evaluating the negative ones as well (those that may take something away or create challenges in a relationship). Determining your RMV is about being realistic regarding what you will be bringing into a relationship.  The RMV Assessment Questionnaire can be completed in my new book, Why I Love Men: The Joys of Dating.

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Real Talk with JJ and The Fellas discuss the differences between good sex and great sex (sex that is memorable). The Fellas also discuss “bad sex!”  Also, the best breakdown of “aw skeet skeet skeet” from the Lil John song!

VD can actually be a blessing in disguise for single people. Think about it: If you’re single, you don’t have to worry about giving your partner anything so you have less to worry about altogether.

That’s right… I said it… VD (aka Valentine’s Day) can be awesome for single people! We’re coming up on one of the holidays that Singles usually dread the most: Valentine’s Day! If you are single, I going to tell you how Valentine’s Day can be one of the most empowering days of the year.

Now I do realize how this can be a difficult time for Singles. With all the flowers, heart-shaped candy and happy couples everywhere, it can be a constant reminder that you don’t have someone special in your life. But this year we’re going to celebrate and enjoy Valentine’s Day even if we’re single.

If You’re Single, Consider This:

It’s important to learn to be happy while you’re single. Single people are beginning to realize that they actually have a lot of time to create a meaningful life for themselves, and they are deciding to pursue their dreams. What are you really passionate about, and what do you enjoy doing? Do you have a rich social life with great friends and loving family members? Being single is the best time to discover what you want out of life and to focus on creating the life you’ve always dreamed of! Maximize your career, interests, hobbies and relationships while you’re single, and make that time the best days of your life.

                       
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