I believe that men are not naturally monogamous. In fact, I think monogamy is unnatural for men. Men like sexual variety. A man’s natural tendency is to want and desire new sexual partners. Men will lust after other women even when they’re perfectly happy and fulfilled in a relationship with the woman they love. Cheating does not necessarily indicate any dissatisfaction in his relationship with you. That’s why we wonder why a man can cheat on a beautiful woman with a less attractive woman. But for the man, it’s just about variety and wanting something different.
Even when men marry and make a vow of loyalty and faithfulness (“until death do us part”), they may cheat anyway. The primary thing that stops them from cheating is fear of losing the woman they love or no real good opportunities to cheat have arisen. However, if they were sure they could get away with it and their wife or girlfriend would never know, most men would have sex with other women. In those periods during a relationship when a man is monogamous, he still may satisfy his need for variety through porn and strip club hopping.
Many men think about other women all the time but it may have no reflection on how attractive he finds you. Men often cheat because they lack self-control or the discipline to resist sex with someone different. So, as a woman, don’t take this too personally. It’s not about anything you did or didn’t do; it’s just men’s natural desire for the variety that new sexual partners provide. Women often have sex for an emotional connection and men can too. But many times with men, it is not about intimacy or love; sex is just about sex.
One of my friends told me that after you get married, there is no more sex. The reality is that your man may be still getting sex; he’s just grown tired or bored with having sex with you. Now I’m not saying it’s impossible for a man to remain monogamous for his entire relationship, because I’m sure there are one or two guys out there who are monogamous. I’ve just never met many of them.
However, if we examine monogamous relationships more closely, you will find that many people, not just men, have spent the majority of their life dealing with the fact that they have struggled to be monogamous and keep their desires under lock and key. They have often found themselves in situations of betrayal, cheating or unfaithfulness. Well, the strongest argument for non-monogamy is that one person cannot fulfill all of our needs. In fact, for some people who have great physical, spiritual and emotional needs, it is unrealistic for one person to fulfill all of those needs and desires. An open relationship provides an alternative to being a traditional couple; under this arrangement, both partners can agree that each may engage in extramarital sexual relationships, without this being regarded as infidelity. The key factor is that open relationships provide the opportunity to have intimate friendships with multiple people in an ethical and responsible way.
Unfortunately, cheating on one’s spouse or mate has become a part of our culture, and even though it is not perceived as acceptable, it is still practiced by a large number of people. In contrast, in open relationships, all parties involved agree to be honest and open about their desires and needs instead of cheating, lying and being deceptive with their partner.
Many people will openly say that they don’t agree with open marriages, while secretly desiring alternative relationships outside of their marriage. Given that 3.2 million members have joined www.Ashleymadison.com, a website for extramarital affairs with married people only, I think many people are already pursuing open marriage relationships but just have not openly acknowledged it.
The rules of traditional relationships require that you be emotionally and sexually exclusive to one person forever. Therefore, many people in committed relationships are monogamous by default, not by choice. We learn through society that monogamy is what everyone is doing, and thus it is what’s expected in relationships. We are socialized to believe that true happiness can be achieved only in monogamous relationships. Even though this goes against many people’s natural inclinations, they accept and buy into it. However, many folks are realizing that it is unrealistic to expect one person to fulfill all of their needs—emotional, sexual, spiritual, psychological, intellectual, financial, romantic, etc. Open relationships provide an opportunity to get to know, love and experience different people in your life. To determine if open relationships are right for you, you will need to do lot of soul-searching and self-analysis to come to your own conclusion. You’ll need to consider what you believe about monogamy and open relationships.
J.J. Smith is a Dating Diva who offers a fresh perspective on dating and relationships that will help you create a wonderful life that attracts the best men for you and get the love you really want! To learn more about her highly anticipated book, Why I Love Men: The Joys of Dating, as well as other eBooks and free articles, visit www.jjsmithonline.com Copyright © 2009 J.J. Smith |
