Love—The Greatest Gift of All
By J.J. Smith

The Three Types of Love..Which Type of Love Relationship Do You Have?
Many women dream of meeting “the one,” getting married, and living happily ever after. As women, we all dream of romance and falling in love with that special person. This type of love is known as Eros love, which is that emotional or romantic love that constitutes the feeling of being “in love.” Eros love is that intense sexual desire or overwhelming longing or craving for someone.

However, there are other types of love that we need in our life, namely Philos love (friendship love) and Agape love (unconditional love). To feel completely satisfied and fulfilled, we need all three loves to be present in our lives. However, too many women only focus on romantic (Eros) love, and they look for a man to “complete” them. They just want to get married and “live happily ever after.”

Over the years, through self-study and exploration, I’ve learned that there are three types of love: Eros, Philos and Agape. Understanding the three types of love has been enlightening for me and has improved my relationships. Here’s a summary:

Eros Love: The English word “erotic” is derived from Eros, and it has to do with the sensual passions. It is not found in Biblical usage. Eros love is also known as romantic or emotional love, and it constitutes the feeling of being “in love.” This love is best expressed through our senses—touch, sight, hearing, etc. Eros is similar to lust, which is that intense sexual desire or overwhelming longing or craving for someone. Eros or lust is generally hormonally driven. Estrogen and testosterone are the hormones that work like magnets to draw men and women together. Eros love is good in a relationship if it is balanced with the other two loves because it allows for intimate sexual relations with someone and keeps the flame and spark in the relationship. Eros love may be the number one illusion for single women.

Philos Love: This type of love is the natural affection between people. Philos love is about companionship and connecting with people to share life’s journey. It is sometimes called “friendship love,” and friendship is the foundation of a successful relationship. This is true whether it is a marriage, or boyfriend-girlfriend, a relationship between family members, a relationship with co-workers, an employer, etc.

Agape Love: This type of love is from God, and it is an unconditional love. Agape love is above Philos and Eros love. It is a love that is totally selfless; like when a person gives love to another person even if this act does not benefit her/him in any way. Whether the love given is returned or not, the person continues to love (even without any self-benefit). This type of love provides the stability and binding commitment to a marriage. Agape love helps bind the marriage commitment because you vow to love your spouse as God loves―unconditionally. Agape love is not helped by emotional infatuation or highs, but is as constant as God’s love.

Find balance in your love relationships, not by focusing just on a romantic (Eros) love, but also by creating Philos and Agape love relationships in your life. All three types of love are necessary in a marriage or committed romantic relationship. Agape love (unconditional love) helps make the marriage commitment last, Philos love (friendship love) will make it strong, and Eros love (emotional/erotic love) will make it sweet. If your marriage or relationship has all three of these elements, you’re on your way to something very special and rare that you should treasure with all that is in you.

Are You Growing Spiritually from Your Romantic Relationships?
What if I were to tell you that relationships are opportunities to discover your capacity to love, forgive, heal and grow as a person. Since relationships spark the best and worst in us, they provide an opportunity for growth and spiritual development. Relationships allow mutual expression and sharing between two people, which makes it the ultimate tool for self-assessment and personal development.

Some of us think a relationship’s primary purpose is to fulfill our needs and desires. We begin to think of relationships in terms of what we can get from someone. Some of us are waiting for a romantic relationship to end boredom, loneliness, depression or insecurity.
I think of relationships as our assignments in life. We are assigned people from whom we can learn valuable lessons. That’s why we have to focus on learning and growing from our experience with our romantic partners—not on making them “the one.” When a person leaves our life, it may be because the lesson has been learned; so learn the lesson, use it to help yourself grow, and be optimistic about what life has to offer you next.
God brings people into our life that provide the maximal opportunity for mutual growth. If you’ve been repeating the same type of experiences with men, it may be that you have yet to learn the lessons that will allow you to grow from those relationships. Ask yourself, “Am I learning from my relationships? If so, what am I learning?”

Relationships provide several levels of teaching and learning. The first level of teaching comes from what is known as the casual encounter, such as people we meet in an elevator or at the grocery store. At this level, these casual encounters allow us to refine our personalities. Our personal weaknesses that are evident in casual encounters typically appear magnified in more intimate relationships. If we are rude and nasty with the grocery store clerk, we will likely be even more rude and nasty with the individuals we love the most.

The second level of teaching is a more sustained relationship in which two people enter into a more intense teaching and learning experience, and then eventually separate. Some of these relationships will be friendships and others, professional or romantic. If you open yourselves up and try not to make marriage the outcome in these romantic relationships, you will go through experiences that will provide you both with lessons for your personal growth. Many of us experience this type of romantic relationship, but have difficulty with the physical separation that will and should happen. Know that physically the relationship will appear to have ended, but mentally and spiritually the relationships will provide long-lasting change in your life. That’s why it’s important to never abandon the person when you’re leaving the relationship. Don’t treat the ex like a second-class citizen. It’s essential that we honor the eternal nature of relationships. If a person ends the physical aspects of a relationship properly, you then can go into your next relationship with a stronger capacity to love, from a healed, whole place. When a marriage ends, it could be that there are no longer any opportunities for mutual growth. People tend to view these marriages as failures; in reality, if both people learned what they were supposed to learn from each other, than it was a successful relationship!

The third level of teaching is for relationships that last all of our lives, because the other person provides us with unlimited opportunities for learning and growing. These relationships will teach us a lifetime of lessons. Just by the mere fact that these individuals are in our lives forces us to grow and become better individuals. These relationships don’t happen frequently; instead, single women tend to spend too much time and effort trying to create this type of lifelong relationship with every new man they meet. By doing this, we set ourselves up for continual disappointment every time a relationship ends. So, work to maintain all three types of love relationships in our life.

J.J. Smith is a Dating Diva who offers a fresh perspective on dating and relationships that will help you create a wonderful life that attracts the best men for you and get the love you really want!  To learn more about her highly anticipated book, Why I Love Men:  The Joys of Dating, as well as other eBooks and free articles, visit http://www.jjsmithonline.com.