Open marriages provide an alternative in which both partners agree that each may engage in extramarital sexual relationships, without this being regarded as infidelity. There are many different types of open marriages based upon the partners having varying levels of input about their spouse’s activities. Open marriage is one in which each partner has room for personal growth and can develop outside friendships. These nonexclusive relationships involve some degree of intimacy, whether it be emotional, physical/sexual, or intellectual.
Couples in open marriages may prefer different kinds of extramarital relationships. The two most popular open marriage relationships are polyamory and swinging. Couples who prefer extramarital relationships emphasizing love and emotional involvement with another person have a polyamorous style of open marriage; couples who seek extramarital relationships emphasizing sexual gratification and recreational friendships have a swinging style of open marriage. Polyamory focuses on love and the emotional relationship with other lovers, whereas swinging is often recreational sex, with an explicit intention to avoid an emotional connection.
Polyamory
Polyamory is motivated by a desire to expand love by developing emotionally involved relationships with extramarital partners. Polyamory is about stable intimate, emotionally committed relationships rather than casual sex. It is not a synonym for promiscuity. This is about having multi-partner relationships that are stable, consensual, responsible and nurturing.
A key factor in polyamorous relationships is the understanding of the primary relationship and secondary relationship. The primary relationship is the committed, long-term marriage type relationship between two primary partners. These primary partners are typically legally married and have decided to be committed to each other for life. The primary partners generally live together and share financial responsibilities, parenting and other key life decisions, and they are considered each other’s immediate family. The secondary relationship may also be long-term, but the partners generally don’t live together and manage their finances separately; they consider themselves as close, intimate friends, but not immediate family.
Swinging
Swinging is defined as recreational sexual activity, also called sport sex or wife swapping. Basically the couples agree to have casual sex with each other. There is usually no emotional involvement. Swinging is motivated by a desire for physical gratification by engaging in sexual activities with extramarital partners. Swingers generally practice recreational sex activities without the development of love, affection or personal intimacy. Some say swinging replicates the dating pattern of the unmarried, but on a couple basis.
Are Open Marriage Relationships Right For You?
There are certain personality traits and situations that seem best suited for this type of lifestyle. Assess the points below to determine if an open marriage can work for you:
- High self-esteem: You have to be really secure and self-confident to be willing to share your partner with someone else. If you are already insecure in the relationship or are always seeking other people’s acceptance, then an open marriage relationship probably won’t work for you.
- Natural talent for establishing intimate relationships: Some people are gifted at athletics or singing, while some are gifted at establishing close intimate friendships with people. If you enjoy giving and receiving affection, and getting close to people, you have a talent for establishing intimate friendships. To contrast that, there are some who are challenged to sustain intimacy and meaningful relations with one person.
- Desire diversity: If you are interested in people’s unique differences in terms of personality, physical size or shape, then open marriage relationships may provide the opportunity for more diversity in your life.
- Strong communication and interpersonal skills: These relationships require that you communicate honestly and openly; it is necessary to have solid communication and people skills, due to the complex nature of these relationships.
- Mismatched desire for sex: If one of the partners has a high sex drive or one is uninterested in sex, then an open marriage relationship may solve the mismatch on sexual desire and provide a viable alternative.
- Focus on continual personal and spiritual growth: If relationships are seen as opportunities for personal and spiritual growth, then having multiple intimate relationships will definitely accelerate your development in these areas.
In life, change is inevitable. As we grow and evolve as human beings, so do our needs, desires and wants in life. By learning to embrace the changing nature of relationships, we have less to fear and lose because we never have to break up in the traditional sense. Open relationships grow and evolve in different directions over time. We can choose to live with a partner, and never marry, we can decide to get married, and we can decide to have kids or not to have kids. It may be suitable for you to decide if an open relationship is right for you. You can decide the best way to foster healthy and responsible relationships that work for you.
J.J. Smith is a Dating Diva who offers a fresh perspective on dating and relationships that will help you create a wonderful life that attracts the best men for you and get the love you really want! To learn more about her highly anticipated book, Why I Love Men: The Joys of Dating, as well as other eBooks and free articles, visit www.jjsmithonline.com Copyright © 2009 J.J. Smith |
