For many of us, having a man cheat on us is a pretty traumatic experience, but I believe it is how he cheats on us that hurt us the most. As an example, if you came home one day and your man was in bed with another women, that would be much more devastating than if you suspected he was seeing someone and when you asked him he admitted to seeing someone else. Both may hurt, but in the first situation, you may feel a bit more violated and disrespected. In the latter situation, you could likely discuss it and better understand why he has been seeing someone else and the relationship may be salvageable. So, I believe it is not if he cheats on us that makes or breaks the relationship, but how he cheats on us that matters!
I believe that men are not naturally monogamous. In fact, I think monogamy is unnatural for men. Men like sexual variety. A man’s natural tendency is to want and desire new sexual partners. As one comedian said, the only thing men like better than “bleep” is new “bleep.” Men will lust after other women even when they’re perfectly happy and fulfilled in a relationship with the woman they love. Cheating does not necessarily indicate any dissatisfaction in his relationship with you. That’s why we wonder why a man can cheat on a beautiful woman with a less attractive woman. But for the man, it’s just about variety and wanting something different.
Even when men marry and make a vow of loyalty and faithfulness (“until death do us part”), they may cheat anyway. The primary thing that stops them from cheating is fear of losing the woman they love or no real good opportunities to cheat have arisen. However, if they were sure they could get away with it and their wife or girlfriend would never know, most men would have sex with other women. In those periods during a relationship when a man is monogamous, he still may satisfy his need for variety through porn and strip club hopping.
Many men think about other women all the time but it may have no reflection on how attractive he finds you. Men often cheat because they lack self-control or the discipline to resist sex with someone different. So, as a woman, don’t take this too personally. It’s not about anything you did or didn’t do; it’s just men’s natural desire for the variety that new sexual partners provide. Women often have sex for an emotional connection and men can too. But many times with men, it is not about intimacy or love; sex is just about sex.
One of my friends told me that after you get married, there is no more sex. The reality is that your man may be still getting sex; he’s just grown tired or bored with having sex with you. Now I’m not saying it’s impossible for a man to remain monogamous for his entire relationship, because I’m sure there are one or two guys out there who are monogamous. I’ve just never met many of them. So, I think we as women need to have proper perspective on why a man may cheat, and know that his cheating is not always a reflection on his relationship with you nor a reason to end the relationship forever.
J.J. Smith is a Dating Diva who offers a fresh perspective on dating and relationships that will help you create a wonderful life that attracts the best men for you and get the love you really want! To learn more about her highly anticipated book, Why I Love Men: The Joys of Dating, as well as other eBooks and free articles, visit www.jjsmithonline.com Copyright © 2009 J.J. Smith |
