When dating, there are certain relationships that are harmful and downright dangerous. These are relationships with unavailable men—the men who are not available or ready to have a meaningful relationship with a woman. This type of relationship has very little chance of long-term success. Many older wiser women have already been down this road, and they know better than to get involved with an unavailable man. As a result, this advice is generally geared for younger women. In my book, Why I Love Men, The Joys of Dating, I discuss five types of unavailable men to avoid when dating and how to find ways to identify the unavailable man. A woman’s intuition will generally give her clues that a man is unavailable for a meaningful relationship; however, if you need some more concrete ways to determine this, see the list below:
- He can never answer his phone around you. When I was younger, I had a boyfriend who used to always answer his phone when we were together. One day when I visiting with my aunt, I told her about how his phone was always ringing. My aunt said, “Don’t worry about that; worry when he doesn’t answer his phone around you.” I thought to myself, Good point!
- He constantly borrows money from you and everyone in his family. He also never keeps a job or is always between jobs. If he is frequently getting fired from a job, that is a very bad sign!
- He wants to spend time at your place only. This means he either lives with someone or never knows when a woman could come knocking at his door. He may also want to hang out at your place instead of going out in public for fear of being seen with you.
- He is inconsistent about when he calls and sees you. He also has sex with you less and less. If a man’s sex drive drops off significantly, he could be having sex with someone else. One of my girlfriends always kept count of her boyfriend’s condom supply and used that to measure if he was sleeping with someone else. I wondered why she just never asked him if he was cheating.
- He can never be definitive about making plans or is constantly canceling. This is my pet peeve. If a man needs to keep his plans open (in case something better comes along), then he shouldn’t be a priority on your dating list.
- He stops bringing you around family and friends. This is because he is afraid his simple friends will accidentally blow his cover. I actually did that to a guy friend of mine. Not on purpose, of course. But I told the woman he was with, “You look so different from when we hung out last week but maybe it was the lighting in the restaurant?” The woman said, “I’ve never met you before.” I said, “My mistake… maybe it was someone else!” This guy was always trying to get over on women.
It is important to determine if a guy is unavailable before you get involved in a serious relationship with him and the clues above can help you do that.
J.J. Smith is a Dating Diva who offers a fresh perspective on dating and relationships that will help you create a wonderful life that attracts the best men for you and get the love you really want! To learn more about her highly anticipated book, Why I Love Men: The Joys of Dating, as well as other eBooks and free articles, visit www.jjsmithonline.com Copyright © 2009 J.J. Smith |
