Q: What moved you to write Why I Love Men?
A: Basically, it’s because I love men.  I find men to be attractive and fascinating.  Men have shaped my life, and they’ve helped me to grow, learn and develop as a woman.  Over my entire life, I have been surrounded by men.  I grew up in a household with three brothers; My closest friends throughout my life have been men.  Even today, my best friend is a man who I love dearly. 

Q: J.J., you’re an attractive, intelligent, professional woman.  How come you’re still single?
A: I’ve been proposed to three times, engaged twice, and married once, and I’ve discovered that I simply love dating.  Personally, I am never looking to get married again, but I’m not opposed to the idea either.  If I meet someone who makes me feel that being married to them is better than the luxuries of my single life, than I would consider getting married again.  The most important thing to me is to have quality, meaningful relationships with men with similar dreams, goals and interests in life.

Q: What are some truths women need to understand about men?
A: It is important to understand that men think very differently than women about sex, dating and relationships.  So you have to learn how men think in order to greatly increase your odds of finding a man.  As an example, men date all types of women, those they feel are “marriage potential” and those who are just “good for dating.”  They don’t wait until they find “marriage potential” women before they go out on dates.  They definitely know the difference between these types of women, but they don’t let that stop them from enjoying dating both types.  Woman will try to wait until they find that one guy who has “marriage potential” and then fixate on making the relationship work with him.  This is often true even if that means they have to change the man to get him ready for marriage.  In contrast, men don’t waste time trying to change women; they have too much other important stuff to do.  If he’s interested in dating you, he will, and if he’s not, he won’t.  If you don’t meet his standard for “marriage potential,” then you will just become “good for dating” until someone better comes along. 

Q: How does one assess her “relationship market value”- RMV before she begins dating?
A: Your RMV helps you determine three things:  (1) the characteristics that you bring to a relationship that can be of value or benefit to a mate; (2) what type of guys you can attract so that you can focus your efforts on finding that type of man; and (3) if you are ready for a relationship.  You determine your RMV by looking at the positive traits (evaluating areas such as your mental/emotional health, financial health, family relationships and other areas of your life) to identify what you bring to the table that adds value to the relationship, while evaluating the negative traits as well―those that may take something away or create challenges in a relationship.  Determining your value is about being realistic regarding what you will be bringing into a relationship.  Before you begin the dating process, it’s important to understand your Relationship Market Value (RMV). 

Q: How does a woman make herself highly desirable – but stay true to who she is?
A: Being highly desirable is not just about physical beauty or dressing sexy, but also about having self-confidence in your ability to attract a man’s attention.  It is about being confident, which is contagious, and it’s a major attraction factor.  If you don’t think you are beautiful or very attractive, no worries.  Men are also attracted to passionate, confident women with a sense of style―all areas that can be developed and improved upon with focus and effort.

Q: What are some of the secrets to attracting – and keeping the man you want?
A: The bottom line is that it’s your exterior that gets his attention, and it is who you are on the inside that keeps him coming back for more.  Another key factor about keeping a man is communicating with him in a way that displays intelligence.  If a man is successful, he expects his woman to be intelligent because our partners in life are a reflection of who we are and what we want out of life.  It makes a man look better to family, friends and co-workers if you are intelligent. That way, you’ll be able to easily converse at company events and family gatherings. People will be impressed because his woman is beautiful and intelligent.  Remember beauty is what gets his attention, but intelligence is one of the ways to keep him.

Q: How did you show women to stay clear of unavailable or undesirable men?
A: Unavailable men are those who are not available or ready to have a meaningful relationship with a woman. This type of relationship has very little chance of long-term success. It is important to determine if a guy is unavailable before you get involved in a serious relationship with him.  A woman’s intuition will generally give her clues that a man is unavailable for a meaningful relationship; however, I also provide concrete ways to determine if a man is unavailable.

Q: Why do you say many of us don’t understand the effect sex has on our relationships?
A: As women, we have to be extremely careful of who we have sex with.  I date a lot but have very few sexual relationships.  When a woman has sex with a man, hormones are released into her body that create a chemical bond, regardless of whether she wants that bond or not.  This may be why many women feel conflicted emotionally when they have sex with a guy; there has been a bond that was created through the sex act.  

When you have sex with someone, your soul becomes one with them.  My grandma used to say that every time we have sex with someone in our bed, their spirit stays there.  Likewise, when you end an intimate relationship with someone, it takes time to recover who we really are because we lose a part of ourselves in the other person.  We have to spend quality time with ourselves to recapture who we really are.

Q: What goes into a “beauty transformation?”
A: Your beauty transformation is about maximizing your physical beauty to the fullest.  Your transformation is about making the most of whatever God has given you to work with and improving the aspects of your appearance that are within your control (weight, fitness, overall health, hair, skin, etc.).  It is about dressing in a manner that allows you to show off your best assets, whether that be your legs, cleavage, butt, face or hair.  I don’t mean getting oversized boobs or other types of drastic cosmetic surgery, but maximizing your physical attributes/features to always look your best. 

Q: Why do you say dating is a competitive sport?
A: Because dating is a sport, you will have to practice dating until you become in control of your dating life.  So you will have to learn to get in the dating game and compete.   Just like an athlete trains and practices to compete and win, you will have to practice to begin to win the dating game and achieve the results you desire.  Dating is a sport and we know that men love sports. So for them, dating is generally fun and enjoyable.  However, too many women don’t want to have fun dating, they just want to find a husband.  If your only focus in life is to find a husband, you will miss all the enjoyment and personal development opportunities that dating adds to your life.

Q: As an African American woman, what challenges confront you on the dating scene?
A: It’s hypercompetitive dating environment.  Today’s dating environment is extremely competitive.  The odds are much better for men because they outnumber women in every state, except for Alaska and Nevada.  Nationally, there are 143.5 million females to 138 million males.  For Black women, it is even more challenging.  Nationally, there are 10 single Black women for every seven single Black men, and over 70% of Black women are single.  So women have to be very deliberate about finding, attracting and keeping a good man.  So, you have to be more creative and proactive about meeting men and getting and keeping their attention.